I closed my eyes one night, and I imagined snow falling, just saw white raining against black. It was kind of beautiful though simple... I wonder what it would feel like to have an extended dream of raining snow... the meaning isn't so significant... not to say that meanings are insignificant, according to Freud and Dr. Karen Horney, Dream analysis was a method of resolving buried conflict., just thought I would add that..

So my lesson of the day... The ability to embrace and release.. Things grow, evolve and move: closer or away.. movement is inevitable, so the ability to embrace and release, is just such a powerful and calming idea as well as a way of being.. I highly recommend it. Not holding on to anything except for your mind, your sense of worth and your ability to continue to love...

BOYFRIEND

I keep listening to this song by Fishing & Guerre called Boyfriend, and in my mind I keep repeating those same lyrics, thought I had it all figured out, Art imitating life, life imitating art, I don't know, but they had it right with the I thought I had it all figured out... funny how life surprises you, not with new stuff, but with the same and the lame.... Lame is the keyword... maybe I'm lame, yeah seriously, I am so incredibly lame that I find myself blogging about how lame I am... yeah and [drumbeat] I'm even laughing about it....Guess that's what its all about, to be able to laugh at yourself every once in a while....At least I know I'm not narcissistic... Still figuring it out.

Mount Kimbie - Ruby

Ruby (Recorded Live at Berghain, Berlin) by Anorak London

Minnie Lee Galloway

Love you infinity times a million. I could not have asked for a better Grandmother and friend. May you reach enlightenment in every journey, and may we reach each other again in every journey. As of today, and just for now, I say goodbye to your external presence for the duration of this lifetime, while I continue to hold on tightly to your spirit.

New Heart-Journey

Dear New Heart-Journey,

I thought about you today. I thought about what you said when I was driving home..... I had a dream last night... and it symbolized an obstacle in my grandmother's life right now... when I came out of the dream, I told myself I was going to see her... as i was getting ready... I listened to the song 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac. I never fully understood the song until now... when I saw my grandmother, she was unable to speak... but I took the time to really listen, sometimes words are so unnecessary .... and I heard her... As I was leaving, I told my aunt how proud and inspired I was by the way she was taking care of my grandmother, she cried as I hugged her... driving home I thought of that song again, Landslide.. I took the word landslide as a metaphor for love... I thought over that song and I thought of what you said, to really listen to what they're saying... anyway just thought I would share...

Teen Dream

Dear Teen Dream:

I took a walk with this new friend of mine tonight, and I told her about our story... about how I met you at 15, and how I thought I loved you... and how you took the journey to see me.. the time i sat across from you at canter's, and it was then that I knew I loved you... I told her about how we held each other before you left, and how you never turned to say goodbye.. when I was finished telling the story and I looked up, I noticed the tears... hers... not mine... who would have thought that our story would be so sad...

magical realism.

Retrospective

Wow... Its been so long since I've actually written a real post, aside from posting up music which by the way I will try and continue to do...I'm suppose to be reading up on Piaget and Vygotsky, but here I am... I looked back on some of my post, interesting, the journey, and the music, it was so telling.  A song can often say it best.  I don't think I'm going to make this post a long one, but I do want to remain in the habit of writing and recording my journey, you learn so much retrospectively, although I'm all about learning in the moment as well, whatever that means.  

For some reason, lately, I can't stop listening to music, and reading over lyrics, morning and night.. Its like I wake up and I need to hear a song, I go to sleep, and yes I need a song..... Its so funny how the heart works, perhaps that's why I need the music because my heart is taking on a new journey, letting go of 'what was', and being open to the possibility of what is happening, and who knows... going from the heart of girl, who loved like a girl and held on to the girlhood dreams of love... to the heart of a woman, sounds like a song, and yes: loving like a woman and taking on that experience of an evolved and mature love-journey... yeah, that's what its about for me, and I'm excited..  I'm trying to have an uncaged thought process right now, just allowing whatever comes to mind, to be written and shared.. I'm such a nerd, seriously 'uncaged thought process' come on... ha!

 

I still practice Buddhism.  I have to admit though, I could be a bit more diligent with my practice. I notice a difference when I'm consistent and when I'm not, I notice a difference in my clarity, and in my confidence, as well as in my instinct, my access to ideas, and with regard to ideas, I mean I'm more inspired, and I'm able to navigate better... I'll get it together, meditate and chant for an hour tomorrow... although I notice, when I'm at the Buddhist center and I'm chanting with others (usually in a room filled with folks) I want to chant in harmony... I wonder, if I sound like I'm trying to bebop or something, like when someone chants a low note, I chant a high note, and harmonize.... who cares, seriously, I actually enjoy it, and its fun... 

By the way, I was thinking of changing the name of this blog...but realized...[ I just deleted the reason why because it was just so cheese, nacho, swiss, blahhhh]!...

What Is Happiness By Daisaku Ikeda

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems depends on us. Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality - the amount of energy or "life-force" we have - is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within. Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active and free from fear is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

My teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness - "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income. This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter. Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbors. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory. What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

One friend whose dramatic life proved this was Natalia Satz, who founded the first children's theater in Moscow. In the 1930s, she and her husband were marked by Soviet Union's secret police. Even though they were guilty of no crime, her husband was arrested and executed and she was sent to a prison camp in the frozen depths of Siberia. After she recovered from the initial shock, she started looking at her situation, not with despair, but for opportunity. She realized that many of her fellow prisoners had special skills and talents. She began organizing a "university," encouraging the prisoners to share their knowledge. "You. You are a scientist. Teach us about science. You are an artist. Talk to us about art." In this way, the boredom and terror of the prison camp were transformed into the joy of learning and teaching. Eventually, Mrs. Satz even made use of her own unique talents to organize a theater group. She survived the five-year prison sentence, and dedicated the rest of her long life to creating children's theater.

When we met for the first time in Moscow in 1981, she was already in her 80s. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young girl. Her smile was the smile of someone who has triumphed over the hardships of life. Hers is the kind of spirit I had in mind when I wrote the following poem on "Happiness":

A person with a vast heart is happy.

Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.

A person with a strong will is happy.

Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.

A person with a profound spirit is happy.

Such a person can savor life's depths while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity.

A person with a pure mind is happy.

Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.

Show Some Courage... or Stay a Coward..

Rob the Photographer

My friend Robert Johnson is a photographer who called me yesterday on Thursday (April 29, 2010) to do some photos, and portraits, which we've been trying to make happen for years..., and finally it happened.. I walked in the studio with my turtleneck and jeans and just enjoyed working with him. http://www.robertjohnsoniii.com/thebook.html

Dream Living

Word list:
Dreams,
Eternity,
Love,
Transforms,
the Heart,
Improves,
the Person

And the list goes on and on.

It's a Wonderful Life

My dear Ernessa (and new mommy too!) suggested this awesome song by Sparklehorse and vid by Guy Maddin. RIP Mark Linkous.

Soundtrack To A Moment

After walking all over North Central Los Angeles on Saturday from Venice Blvd to 3rd street, from Fairfax to Labrea and loving every bit of it, I realized how important the iPod is with regard to encouraging this walking, moving and dancing body. Speaking of dancing body, I enjoyed seeing this guy with his gigantic headphones on break a move on the corner of Farifax Blvd, it was as if he were reading my mind.

So on with the blog.... I discovered how far these two legs can go, and how it feels so good to get them going. But, when you're stuck out in the middle of nowhere because you've walked too far, it appears to be quite important to have certain songs as the backdrop to those thoughts, thoughts like 'how the hell did I get this far?' or 'I'm tired as hell' or even get a little deeper like the realization of how connected you are to everything around you, how all of sudden there are familiar faces, and everything seems a bit better in person as oppose to seeing it from inside a moving car.

So many decisions to make, walking in this city, but inside the customerless mattress store all the decisions become an exchange of words with the Nepalese Buddhist named Sage, as he gives me a tour on all the beds, and I jump right into them, like a trampoline, making sure the bounce is worth the price... he laughs a bit.... Later, I explored the boxing equipment store and I tried to ninja kick the thing that looks like a hanging bean bag, but the power kick kind of hurt my foot a little... It was interesting going inside the bakery and noticing how detailed they are, there was even a cake sculpted like a fish, and it looked like a fish, I wanted to taste it, just take a nice bite into it, but I didn't.. I enjoyed the walk through the Grove, it reminded me of how much LA itself can be like an amusement park, actually life can often be an amusement park, once you decide to really take a walk into it and take on all the mini adventures to come.

So if I could think of a soundtrack to a walking moment, hmmmmm, perhaps I would go with the songs below:

The XX - VCR (Matthew Dear remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020711/The+XX+-+VCR+Matthew+Dear+remix+

The XX - Night Time (Danny G Pop Art Remixxx)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020537/The+XX+Night+Time+Danny+G+Pop+Art+Remixxx+

Four Tet - Plastic People
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020517/Four+Tet+-+Plastic+People

I Blame Coco - Caesar ft. Robyn (Diplo Remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020534/I+Blame+Coco+-+Caesar+ft+Robyn+Diplo+Remix+

Sufjan Stevens - Henney Buggy Band
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020622/Sufjan+Stevens+-+Henney+Buggy+Band

Fever Ray - Seven (The Twelves Remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020647/Fever+Ray+-+Seven+The+Twelves+Remix+

Blockhead - Which One Of You Jerks Drank My Arnold Palmer
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020665/Blockhead+-+Which+One+Of+You+Jerks+Drank+My+Arnold+Palmer

Jan Turkenburg - In My Spaceship (Pilooski Remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020658/Jan+Turkenburg+-+In+My+Spaceship+Pilooski+Remix+

Happier

Yesterday I was at home having a discussion with some folks on the subject of Buddhism and individual happiness, and during this exchange, quietly playing in the background was Bjork's Hyper-Ballad. And as I tried to concentrate on the conversation at hand, I couldn't help but also focus on the chorus singing out, I go through all this, before you wake up, so I can feel happier. To be safe again with you. Those lyrics stayed with me throughout the day until that evening where I decided to share them with a friend. I asked him what was his take on the song. He thought for moment, then responded by saying "She describes a ritual. How every morning she purposely experiences all that she's afraid of, just to return at the end of the day to the one she loves, to remind herself of how happy and safe she feels with this person." And with his response, I explained that perhaps there is another way to look at it, an aspect that is very much so in alignment to the Buddhist philosophy.

I went on to say that perhaps she, or this particular character in the song, wakes up every morning to purposely live her life completely and fully, confronting all of her fears and obstacles, which are symbolized by the cliff. And during this journey or ritual of highs and lows, she self-manifests this internal happiness by her sense of freedom and ability to overcome her fears and navigate her way through these obstacles. At the end of this experience, this journey of self, she returns to him once he is 'awakened' to feel safe and happier with him. Although this happiness was already established before her arrival, the one she returns to simply enhances it.

My friend and I went back and forth for a moment over the interpretation of the song and the manifestation of internal happiness. I ended the exchange by adding that it didn’t appear to be outside the realm of Bjork's consciousness, this notion of individually obtained happiness, as seen during her live version of Possibly Maybe where she sings out Well it came about through happenstance that I happen to be happy. You're just a bonus to that. My friend and I thought for a moment and agreed that it wasn't outside her realm of consciousness.

SGI President and well respected mentor of the Nichiren Buddhist practice, Daisaku Ikeda, further explores the notion of happiness in an article by stating that it, “is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves. And the only way to do so is by developing our character and capacity as human beings; by fully maximizing our potential. If we sacrifice our growth and talent for love, we absolutely will not find happiness. True happiness is obtained through fully realizing our potential." he continued to explain that, "if you genuinely love someone, then through your relationship with him or her, you can develop into a person whose love extends to all humanity. Such a relationship serves to strengthen, elevate and enrich your inner realm of life. The same is true for friendship. Only to the extent that you polish yourselves now can you hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future."

Shanna Nikole, another Buddhist and friend, mentioned that this journey of life, is really just a journey of the heart, well said Shanna. In this journey you never know where you may find these affirmations of truth or answers from within, it could be in a book, practiced in a philosophy, or even heard simply in a song.

Dear Bullet Proof Soul:

Love is not a gun.