New Heart-Journey

Dear New Heart-Journey,

I thought about you today. I thought about what you said when I was driving home..... I had a dream last night... and it symbolized an obstacle in my grandmother's life right now... when I came out of the dream, I told myself I was going to see her... as i was getting ready... I listened to the song 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac. I never fully understood the song until now... when I saw my grandmother, she was unable to speak... but I took the time to really listen, sometimes words are so unnecessary .... and I heard her... As I was leaving, I told my aunt how proud and inspired I was by the way she was taking care of my grandmother, she cried as I hugged her... driving home I thought of that song again, Landslide.. I took the word landslide as a metaphor for love... I thought over that song and I thought of what you said, to really listen to what they're saying... anyway just thought I would share...

Happier

Yesterday I was at home having a discussion with some folks on the subject of Buddhism and individual happiness, and during this exchange, quietly playing in the background was Bjork's Hyper-Ballad. And as I tried to concentrate on the conversation at hand, I couldn't help but also focus on the chorus singing out, I go through all this, before you wake up, so I can feel happier. To be safe again with you. Those lyrics stayed with me throughout the day until that evening where I decided to share them with a friend. I asked him what was his take on the song. He thought for moment, then responded by saying "She describes a ritual. How every morning she purposely experiences all that she's afraid of, just to return at the end of the day to the one she loves, to remind herself of how happy and safe she feels with this person." And with his response, I explained that perhaps there is another way to look at it, an aspect that is very much so in alignment to the Buddhist philosophy.

I went on to say that perhaps she, or this particular character in the song, wakes up every morning to purposely live her life completely and fully, confronting all of her fears and obstacles, which are symbolized by the cliff. And during this journey or ritual of highs and lows, she self-manifests this internal happiness by her sense of freedom and ability to overcome her fears and navigate her way through these obstacles. At the end of this experience, this journey of self, she returns to him once he is 'awakened' to feel safe and happier with him. Although this happiness was already established before her arrival, the one she returns to simply enhances it.

My friend and I went back and forth for a moment over the interpretation of the song and the manifestation of internal happiness. I ended the exchange by adding that it didn’t appear to be outside the realm of Bjork's consciousness, this notion of individually obtained happiness, as seen during her live version of Possibly Maybe where she sings out Well it came about through happenstance that I happen to be happy. You're just a bonus to that. My friend and I thought for a moment and agreed that it wasn't outside her realm of consciousness.

SGI President and well respected mentor of the Nichiren Buddhist practice, Daisaku Ikeda, further explores the notion of happiness in an article by stating that it, “is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves. And the only way to do so is by developing our character and capacity as human beings; by fully maximizing our potential. If we sacrifice our growth and talent for love, we absolutely will not find happiness. True happiness is obtained through fully realizing our potential." he continued to explain that, "if you genuinely love someone, then through your relationship with him or her, you can develop into a person whose love extends to all humanity. Such a relationship serves to strengthen, elevate and enrich your inner realm of life. The same is true for friendship. Only to the extent that you polish yourselves now can you hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future."

Shanna Nikole, another Buddhist and friend, mentioned that this journey of life, is really just a journey of the heart, well said Shanna. In this journey you never know where you may find these affirmations of truth or answers from within, it could be in a book, practiced in a philosophy, or even heard simply in a song.

Dear Bullet Proof Soul:

Love is not a gun.

Lorenzo!

I can honestly say that I had a fantastic Christmas, and among the many wonderful experiences and exchanges I encountered, what really completed this holiday season or even the year for that matter, was finding this picture. Wow, I was sixteen in this photo, on my way to prom, and the most meaningful moment during that evening was standing there next to my grandfather, considering, he was so incredibly dynamic to me. I thought about this photo often… and I found it.

Being a creative, a filmmaker, a woman, or just simply a person often it’s necessary that I go inward to reach that motivation, you know, that incentive to keep pushing' ahead and get out there to manifest those dreams, those goals. Lately, my grandfather has been at the center of this place that I turn to, and I can't even begin to go on about how lucky I am to have had a grandfather who took the time to create that Avalon.

What do I find in this Avalon, this special retreat? The memories, I find the memories, the days my grandfather gave me the pomegranates he picked in his backyard, the dollhouse I adored that he worked so hard to build for me. I hear the music he collected and placed on cassette tapes just for me. Sometimes when I return to this Avalon I can smell the sandwiches he would make for me in his little cooking sandwich machine. I watch him sitting alone, quietly listening to Paul Simon, and I can even see him sitting beside me falling asleep in church right around the moment I would lean against him and fall asleep as well.

Love grows and remains with you in this life and beyond, creating a place for you to always turn to and find the will to win.

I thank my lucky stars for that place where I can always find my grandfather Lorenzo, sitting there listening quietly to the music he collected, the music he gave to me.

Spirit Voices (Remastered LP V...

Sound and Words

So what... now? Well my film was brought back to life and placed in a competition, seems to be doing well. I was even inspired to create a facebook fan page, yeah I did it, it's called Lets Make The Jamaican Gypsy a Show on BET! Why not, right? I just decided to take it a step further, although it would be amazing to just win, win in general, but win the competition to be more specific! Tomorrow I go to a screening for my film at a local festival, should be nice to swim in the enthusiasm of creative ambition and the desire to do what I enjoy, and live it.

Dreams, for some it may be fame or even science, for me its moving pictures, with stories that break the silence, the kind you just want to think about and imagine with different endings and for different reasons. Who would have thought that I would evolve into someone who allows the heart to lead me…

Another thing I enjoy other than film is music. About a year ago I came across a song written by Feist, I'm not one to listen to a lot of her music, but this particular song floated in and around my thoughts, I couldn't get away from the lyrics, the words.. I like it when the music is just in the words, and not just in the sound, or the beat but the words, and the story it paints..

Its funny, this writing stuff and whatever is written, just sending it out there, not knowing if there is a receiver.. Do people actually read these words? If so, well…Thanks. I could be better at this, blogging, exhibiting, etc… I’ll just leave you with the lyrics that found me this evening, hope it finds you.. happy.

Intuition by Feist
I'll know, I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although, although

They can lead you
Break or defeat you

A destination known
Only by the one
Whose fate is overgrown
Piecemeal could break your home
In half
A love is not complete
With only heat

They can tease you
Break or complete you

And in came a heatwave
A merciful save
You choose, you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal
than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what he might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
and how you might have changed it all for him
and how you might have changed it all
and how he might have changed it all for you
and did i,
and did i miss out on you

Diamond Shaped Stars

Act Three.

The bridge between the sentient and insentient worlds, hide behind the forest of eyelids and dreams. A place known as the dark massive collector of glowing circles spit out diamond shaped stars. Stars that merge to become like the sun, flying past a pervasive emptiness with speed increasing by the distance, redefining time while penetrating space. A spontaneous divergence of this fire kingdom manifest two flames rocketing into black clouds…

'...and somehow once separated from him, I would just land, on planet earth. That’s kind of how I imagined it. And after many lives, there in between each, the process would begin again, the abyss, the stars and back to earth. An unraveling memory as my only keepsake, reminding me of the crimes and good deeds done before.’

Basic Space

Act Two.

The traveler blinks her eyes repeatedly, questioning the truth of what is behind or in front of the lid... the darkness with just faint traces of color from the light, creeps in and out... Her tiny hands rub out the dizziness, embracing what she's been taught is the land of hidden truth.

The search for truth...years, come and go, and her limbs grow like branches, although her journey remains, headed in the direction of North.. She dances through life....the dance turns to running... she is running through life.. At the crossroads of love and deception, she studies the images of both that are identical... Realizing the image of love is deceptive, and deception itself is just a bridge between where she stands and the unknown abyss of where her search continues....

The Map of My Heart

Act One.

We're just two mirrors, reflecting the other... from your world to mine... how many times have I stared into you... using my fingertip to trace your shape above my breast....how many stories and in how many different ways can I retell our navigation ... One mirror reflecting the other... This could be funny... all the ways we reappear... here...there...in every corner of the earth...only to return... to one mirror... reflecting the other... An eternal memory as the compass that brings this traveler closer...The beat in my chest becomes heavier as the journey to half of the source illuminates me.....

Love, Films, Maps and Nightmares

So I'm really trying not to write another screenplay inspired by every time I get my heart broken... not a way to get motivated.. Its like a constant replay of a nightmare ... And every time I come up with an idea and I think its something kind of unique in its own way, it suddenly then turns into something like deja-vous, where I soon realize wow another torture session, am I really writing about my heartache again.. seriously.. So, I have since decided to write about something I want. And yes it has a happy ending... It will be about the complete, and total opposite of heartache..and no, just because it doesn't rip your soul out doesn't mean it blows... It just means.... I'm forecasting the map of my own heart... to a theater near you...