London Times LA Moments

2010-11-10T23:52:00.000-08:00

2010-11-08T01:17:00.001-08:00

2010-11-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

I closed my eyes one night, and I imagined snow falling, just saw white raining against black. It was kind of beautiful though simple... I wonder what it would feel like to have an extended dream of raining snow... the meaning isn't so significant... not to say that meanings are insignificant, according to Freud and Dr. Karen Horney, Dream analysis was a method of resolving buried conflict., just thought I would add that..

So my lesson of the day... The ability to embrace and release.. Things grow, evolve and move: closer or away.. movement is inevitable, so the ability to embrace and release, is just such a powerful and calming idea as well as a way of being.. I highly recommend it. Not holding on to anything except for your mind, your sense of worth and your ability to continue to love...

BOYFRIEND

2010-11-04T23:06:00.000-07:00

I keep listening to this song by Fishing & Guerre called Boyfriend, and in my mind I keep repeating those same lyrics, thought I had it all figured out, Art imitating life, life imitating art, I don't know, but they had it right with the I thought I had it all figured out... funny how life surprises you, not with new stuff, but with the same and the lame.... Lame is the keyword... maybe I'm lame, yeah seriously, I am so incredibly lame that I find myself blogging about how lame I am... yeah and [drumbeat] I'm even laughing about it....Guess that's what its all about, to be able to laugh at yourself every once in a while....At least I know I'm not narcissistic... Still figuring it out.

2010-10-17T02:22:00.000-07:00

Mount Kimbie - Ruby

2010-10-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

Ruby (Recorded Live at Berghain, Berlin) by Anorak London

2010-10-10T18:13:00.001-07:00

Minnie Lee Galloway

2010-10-01T00:17:00.000-07:00

Love you infinity times a million. I could not have asked for a better Grandmother and friend. May you reach enlightenment in every journey, and may we reach each other again in every journey. As of today, and just for now, I say goodbye to your external presence for the duration of this lifetime, while I continue to hold on tightly to your spirit.

2010-09-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

New Heart-Journey

2010-09-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Dear New Heart-Journey,

I thought about you today. I thought about what you said when I was driving home..... I had a dream last night... and it symbolized an obstacle in my grandmother's life right now... when I came out of the dream, I told myself I was going to see her... as i was getting ready... I listened to the song 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac. I never fully understood the song until now... when I saw my grandmother, she was unable to speak... but I took the time to really listen, sometimes words are so unnecessary .... and I heard her... As I was leaving, I told my aunt how proud and inspired I was by the way she was taking care of my grandmother, she cried as I hugged her... driving home I thought of that song again, Landslide.. I took the word landslide as a metaphor for love... I thought over that song and I thought of what you said, to really listen to what they're saying... anyway just thought I would share...

Teen Dream

2010-09-29T03:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Teen Dream:

I took a walk with this new friend of mine tonight, and I told her about our story... about how I met you at 15, and how I thought I loved you... and how you took the journey to see me.. the time i sat across from you at canter's, and it was then that I knew I loved you... I told her about how we held each other before you left, and how you never turned to say goodbye.. when I was finished telling the story and I looked up, I noticed the tears... hers... not mine... who would have thought that our story would be so sad...

2010-09-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

2010-09-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

2010-09-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

magical realism.

Retrospective

2010-09-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

Wow... Its been so long since I've actually written a real post, aside from posting up music which by the way I will try and continue to do...I'm suppose to be reading up on Piaget and Vygotsky, but here I am... I looked back on some of my post, interesting, the journey, and the music, it was so telling. A song can often say it best. I don't think I'm going to make this post a long one, but I do want to remain in the habit of writing and recording my journey, you learn so much retrospectively, although I'm all about learning in the moment as well, whatever that means.

For some reason, lately, I can't stop listening to music, and reading over lyrics, morning and night.. Its like I wake up and I need to hear a song, I go to sleep, and yes I need a song..... Its so funny how the heart works, perhaps that's why I need the music because my heart is taking on a new journey, letting go of 'what was', and being open to the possibility of what is happening, and who knows... going from the heart of girl, who loved like a girl and held on to the girlhood dreams of love... to the heart of a woman, sounds like a song, and yes: loving like a woman and taking on that experience of an evolved and mature love-journey... yeah, that's what its about for me, and I'm excited.. I'm trying to have an uncaged thought process right now, just allowing whatever comes to mind, to be written and shared.. I'm such a nerd, seriously 'uncaged thought process' come on... ha!

I still practice Buddhism. I have to admit though, I could be a bit more diligent with my practice. I notice a difference when I'm consistent and when I'm not, I notice a difference in my clarity, and in my confidence, as well as in my instinct, my access to ideas, and with regard to ideas, I mean I'm more inspired, and I'm able to navigate better... I'll get it together, meditate and chant for an hour tomorrow... although I notice, when I'm at the Buddhist center and I'm chanting with others (usually in a room filled with folks) I want to chant in harmony... I wonder, if I sound like I'm trying to bebop or something, like when someone chants a low note, I chant a high night, and harmonize.... who cares, seriously, I actually enjoy it, and its fun...

By the way, I was thinking of changing the name of this blog...but realized...[ I just deleted the reason why because it was just so cheese, nacho, swiss, blahhhh]!...

2010-09-17T01:12:00.001-07:00

2010-08-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

What Is Happiness By Daisaku Ikeda

2010-07-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems depends on us. Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality - the amount of energy or "life-force" we have - is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within. Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active and free from fear is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

My teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness - "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income. This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter. Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbors. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory. What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

One friend whose dramatic life proved this was Natalia Satz, who founded the first children's theater in Moscow. In the 1930s, she and her husband were marked by Soviet Union's secret police. Even though they were guilty of no crime, her husband was arrested and executed and she was sent to a prison camp in the frozen depths of Siberia. After she recovered from the initial shock, she started looking at her situation, not with despair, but for opportunity. She realized that many of her fellow prisoners had special skills and talents. She began organizing a "university," encouraging the prisoners to share their knowledge. "You. You are a scientist. Teach us about science. You are an artist. Talk to us about art." In this way, the boredom and terror of the prison camp were transformed into the joy of learning and teaching. Eventually, Mrs. Satz even made use of her own unique talents to organize a theater group. She survived the five-year prison sentence, and dedicated the rest of her long life to creating children's theater.

When we met for the first time in Moscow in 1981, she was already in her 80s. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young girl. Her smile was the smile of someone who has triumphed over the hardships of life. Hers is the kind of spirit I had in mind when I wrote the following poem on "Happiness":

A person with a vast heart is happy.

Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.

A person with a strong will is happy.

Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.

A person with a profound spirit is happy.

Such a person can savor life's depths while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity.

A person with a pure mind is happy.

Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.

2010-07-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

2010-07-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

2010-07-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

2010-07-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

2010-06-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

2010-06-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

Show Some Courage... or Stay a Coward..

2010-05-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Rob the Photographer

2010-05-01T00:09:00.001-07:00

My friend Robert Johnson is a photographer who called me yesterday on Thursday (April 29, 2010) to do some photos, and portraits, which we've been trying to make happen for years..., and finally it happened.. I walked in the studio with my turtleneck and jeans and just enjoyed working with him. http://www.robertjohnsoniii.com/thebook.html

Dream Living

2010-04-26T02:25:00.000-07:00

Word list:
Dreams,
Eternity,
Love,
Transforms,
the Heart,
Improves,
the Person

And the list goes on and on.

2010-04-26T02:19:00.000-07:00

2010-04-26T02:10:00.000-07:00

It's a Wonderful Life

2010-04-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

My dear Ernessa (and new mommy too!) suggested this awesome song by Sparklehorse and vid by Guy Maddin. RIP Mark Linkous.

2010-04-17T10:19:00.001-07:00

2010-03-30T15:00:00.001-07:00

2010-03-30T14:50:00.001-07:00

2010-02-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

2010-02-01T14:34:00.000-08:00

Soundtrack To A Moment

2010-01-24T02:02:00.000-08:00

After walking all over North Central Los Angeles on Saturday from Venice Blvd to 3rd street, from Fairfax to Labrea and loving every bit of it, I realized how important the iPod is with regard to encouraging this walking, moving and dancing body. Speaking of dancing body, I enjoyed seeing this guy with his gigantic headphones on break a move on the corner of Farifax Blvd, it was as if he were reading my mind.

So on with the blog.... I discovered how far these two legs can go, and how it feels so good to get them going. But, when you're stuck out in the middle of nowhere because you've walked too far, it appears to be quite important to have certain songs as the backdrop to those thoughts, thoughts like 'how the hell did I get this far?' or 'I'm tired as hell' or even get a little deeper like the realization of how connected you are to everything around you, how all of sudden there are familiar faces, and everything seems a bit better in person as oppose to seeing it from inside a moving car.

So many decisions to make, walking in this city, but inside the customerless mattress store all the decisions become an exchange of words with the Nepalese Buddhist named Sage, as he gives me a tour on all the beds, and I jump right into them, like a trampoline, making sure the bounce is worth the price... he laughs a bit.... Later, I explored the boxing equipment store and I tried to ninja kick the thing that looks like a hanging bean bag, but the power kick kind of hurt my foot a little... It was interesting going inside the bakery and noticing how detailed they are, there was even a cake sculpted like a fish, and it looked like a fish, I wanted to taste it, just take a nice bite into it, but I didn't.. I enjoyed the walk through the Grove, it reminded me of how much LA itself can be like an amusement park, actually life can often be an amusement park, once you decide to really take a walk into it and take on all the mini adventures to come.

So if I could think of a soundtrack to a walking moment, hmmmmm, perhaps I would go with the songs below:

The XX - VCR (Matthew Dear remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020711/The+XX+-+VCR+Matthew+Dear+remix+

The XX - Night Time (Danny G Pop Art Remixxx)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020537/The+XX+Night+Time+Danny+G+Pop+Art+Remixxx+

Four Tet - Plastic People
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020517/Four+Tet+-+Plastic+People

I Blame Coco - Caesar ft. Robyn (Diplo Remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020534/I+Blame+Coco+-+Caesar+ft+Robyn+Diplo+Remix+

Sufjan Stevens - Henney Buggy Band
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020622/Sufjan+Stevens+-+Henney+Buggy+Band

Fever Ray - Seven (The Twelves Remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020647/Fever+Ray+-+Seven+The+Twelves+Remix+

Blockhead - Which One Of You Jerks Drank My Arnold Palmer
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020665/Blockhead+-+Which+One+Of+You+Jerks+Drank+My+Arnold+Palmer

Jan Turkenburg - In My Spaceship (Pilooski Remix)
http://hypem.com/#/track/1020658/Jan+Turkenburg+-+In+My+Spaceship+Pilooski+Remix+

Happier

2010-01-21T15:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was at home having a discussion with some folks on the subject of Buddhism and individual happiness, and during this exchange, quietly playing in the background was Bjork's Hyper-Ballad. And as I tried to concentrate on the conversation at hand, I couldn't help but also focus on the chorus singing out, I go through all this, before you wake up, so I can feel happier. To be safe again with you. Those lyrics stayed with me throughout the day until that evening where I decided to share them with a friend. I asked him what was his take on the song. He thought for moment, then responded by saying "She describes a ritual. How every morning she purposely experiences all that she's afraid of, just to return at the end of the day to the one she loves, to remind herself of how happy and safe she feels with this person." And with his response, I explained that perhaps there is another way to look at it, an aspect that is very much so in alignment to the Buddhist philosophy.

I went on to say that perhaps she, or this particular character in the song, wakes up every morning to purposely live her life completely and fully, confronting all of her fears and obstacles, which are symbolized by the cliff. And during this journey or ritual of highs and lows, she self-manifests this internal happiness by her sense of freedom and ability to overcome her fears and navigate her way through these obstacles. At the end of this experience, this journey of self, she returns to him once he is 'awakened' to feel safe and happier with him. Although this happiness was already established before her arrival, the one she returns to simply enhances it.

My friend and I went back and forth for a moment over the interpretation of the song and the manifestation of internal happiness. I ended the exchange by adding that it didn’t appear to be outside the realm of Bjork's consciousness, this notion of individually obtained happiness, as seen during her live version of Possibly Maybe where she sings out Well it came about through happenstance that I happen to be happy. You're just a bonus to that. My friend and I thought for a moment and agreed that it wasn't outside her realm of consciousness.

SGI President and well respected mentor of the Nichiren Buddhist practice, Daisaku Ikeda, further explores the notion of happiness in an article by stating that it, “is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves. And the only way to do so is by developing our character and capacity as human beings; by fully maximizing our potential. If we sacrifice our growth and talent for love, we absolutely will not find happiness. True happiness is obtained through fully realizing our potential." he continued to explain that, "if you genuinely love someone, then through your relationship with him or her, you can develop into a person whose love extends to all humanity. Such a relationship serves to strengthen, elevate and enrich your inner realm of life. The same is true for friendship. Only to the extent that you polish yourselves now can you hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future."

Shanna Nikole, another Buddhist and friend, mentioned that this journey of life, is really just a journey of the heart, well said Shanna. In this journey you never know where you may find these affirmations of truth or answers from within, it could be in a book, practiced in a philosophy, or even heard simply in a song.

Dear Bullet Proof Soul:

2010-01-08T01:19:00.000-08:00

Love is not a gun.

2009-12-31T14:41:00.000-08:00

Thunder Love by Little Dragon

Then dawn came and I stayed and was laughing with you
The smoke love then I dove and was kissing with you

My past erase as we lay in a daze
please say nothing of yesterdays

Im going to sleep
Im going to sleep under the stars until the end
till your touch say time will it begin
Im going to love until the bitter end

Working days get in my way
as Im thinking of you
smoke love
keep dreaming of when I was kissing with you
My past erase as we lay in a daze

please say nothing of yesterdays

Thunder Love - Little Dragon

(Happy New Year)

Lorenzo!

2009-12-25T02:58:00.000-08:00

I can honestly say that I had a fantastic Christmas, and among the many wonderful experiences and exchanges I encountered, what really completed this holiday season or even the year for that matter, was finding this picture. Wow, I was sixteen in this photo, on my way to prom, and the most meaningful moment during that evening was standing there next to my grandfather, considering, he was so incredibly dynamic to me. I thought about this photo often… and I found it.

Being a creative, a filmmaker, a woman, or just simply a person often it’s necessary that I go inward to reach that motivation, you know, that incentive to keep pushing' ahead and get out there to manifest those dreams, those goals. Lately, my grandfather has been at the center of this place that I turn to, and I can't even begin to go on about how lucky I am to have had a grandfather who took the time to create that Avalon.

What do I find in this Avalon, this special retreat? The memories, I find the memories, the days my grandfather gave me the pomegranates he picked in his backyard, the dollhouse I adored that he worked so hard to build for me. I hear the music he collected and placed on cassette tapes just for me. Sometimes when I return to this Avalon I can smell the sandwiches he would make for me in his little cooking sandwich machine. I watch him sitting alone, quietly listening to Paul Simon, and I can even see him sitting beside me falling asleep in church right around the moment I would lean against him and fall asleep as well.

Love grows and remains with you in this life and beyond, creating a place for you to always turn to and find the will to win.

I thank my lucky stars for that place where I can always find my grandfather Lorenzo, sitting there listening quietly to the music he collected, the music he gave to me.

Spirit Voices (Remastered LP V...

Sound and Words

2009-12-19T02:59:00.000-08:00

So what... now? Well my film was brought back to life and placed in a competition, seems to be doing well. I was even inspired to create a facebook fan page, yeah I did it, it's called Lets Make The Jamaican Gypsy a Show on BET! Why not, right? I just decided to take it a step further, although it would be amazing to just win, win in general, but win the competition to be more specific! Tomorrow I go to a screening for my film at a local festival, should be nice to swim in the enthusiasm of creative ambition and the desire to do what I enjoy, and live it.

Dreams, for some it may be fame or even science, for me its moving pictures, with stories that break the silence, the kind you just want to think about and imagine with different endings and for different reasons. Who would have thought that I would evolve into someone who allows the heart to lead me…

Another thing I enjoy other than film is music. About a year ago I came across a song written by Feist, I'm not one to listen to a lot of her music, but this particular song floated in and around my thoughts, I couldn't get away from the lyrics, the words.. I like it when the music is just in the words, and not just in the sound, or the beat but the words, and the story it paints..

Its funny, this writing stuff and whatever is written, just sending it out there, not knowing if there is a receiver.. Do people actually read these words? If so, well…Thanks. I could be better at this, blogging, exhibiting, etc… I’ll just leave you with the lyrics that found me this evening, hope it finds you.. happy.

Intuition by Feist
I'll know, I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although, although

They can lead you
Break or defeat you

A destination known
Only by the one
Whose fate is overgrown
Piecemeal could break your home
In half
A love is not complete
With only heat

They can tease you
Break or complete you

And in came a heatwave
A merciful save
You choose, you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal
than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what he might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
and how you might have changed it all for him
and how you might have changed it all
and how he might have changed it all for you
and did i,
and did i miss out on you

Terminals In My Head

2009-12-01T00:08:00.000-08:00

My heart swells up which makes us explode...

I Just Never Want it to Stop

2009-11-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

A thousand kisses from you is never too much!

Visits From Milan, Elodie & Miu Miu

2009-11-29T02:06:00.001-08:00

Underneath the Bodhi Tree, Lyrically Speaking

2009-11-29T01:35:00.000-08:00

Diamond Shaped Stars

2009-11-24T11:28:00.000-08:00

Act Three.

The bridge between the sentient and insentient worlds, hide behind the forest of eyelids and dreams. A place known as the dark massive collector of glowing circles spit out diamond shaped stars. Stars that merge to become like the sun, flying past a pervasive emptiness with speed increasing by the distance, redefining time while penetrating space. A spontaneous divergence of this fire kingdom manifest two flames rocketing into black clouds…

'...and somehow once separated from him, I would just land, on planet earth. That’s kind of how I imagined it. And after many lives, there in between each, the process would begin again, the abyss, the stars and back to earth. An unraveling memory as my only keepsake, reminding me of the crimes and good deeds done before.’

He Believes in Beauty

2009-11-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

He sets off the beauty in her.......

Going Goddess

2009-10-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

So after a while, when you're trying to make it through this world as a creative worker-bee, its necessary to take a moment and regroup. My regrouping often requires dancing in front of a mirror like I'm possessed with the entire movie of Breakin to the music of Aretha Franklin, singing very loudly R-E-S-P-E-C-T... But even then, do I sometimes find myself either too tired to do the crazy dance, or I've just simply lost my voice from singing too loudly.. but lucky for me, I often stumble across other options that don't include things only found in Amsterdam..but do include...drumbeat... what I came across recently, Going Goddess written by Kasmik Zenter, which is my new favorite book of the moment and my mom's not yet given Christmas gift.

Going Goddess is filled with incredibly illustrated Goddesses that look like gorgeous Brazilian fairies surrounded by electric blues, neon pinks, and Vampiric reds .. Its also a great resource to find out about essential healing oils, alternative views of the world and most importantly the incredible Goddess in you. And just to note, there is also a goddess in every man too, and I'm not just speaking of Les Hommes that dress like goddesses, I'm also talking about you sitting there in the dented man-couch with the heineken and/or Vaporizer pasted on your face like a gas mask...or both..

So, if you are ready for some major relaxation and brain stimulation all working together like the most intense and effective massage ever experienced then go out and treat yourself to Going Goddess and indulge in the writing, paintings and illustrations of Kasmik Zenter.

The Guy Who Wrote An Awesome Book

2009-10-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

Kissing for a good cause and kissing the author of An Awesome Book, is just simply well Awesome!!! If you haven't bought this prize work for your child or yourself, please do, because it is so very worth it, especially if you have dreams... The gypsy cried when she read it...

Basic Space

2009-10-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

Act Two.

The traveler blinks her eyes repeatedly, questioning the truth of what is behind or in front of the lid... the darkness with just faint traces of color from the light, creeps in and out... Her tiny hands rub out the dizziness, embracing what she's been taught is the land of hidden truth.

The search for truth...years, come and go, and her limbs grow like branches, although her journey remains, headed in the direction of North.. She dances through life....the dance turns to running... she is running through life.. At the crossroads of love and deception, she studies the images of both that are identical... Realizing the image of love is deceptive, and deception itself is just a bridge between where she stands and the unknown abyss of where her search continues....

One Day

2009-10-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

Paris (Aeroplane Remix) - Friendly Fires ft. Au Revoir Simone

The Map of My Heart

2009-10-08T01:51:00.000-07:00

Act One.

We're just two mirrors, reflecting the other... from your world to mine... how many times have I stared into you... using my fingertip to trace your shape above my breast....how many stories and in how many different ways can I retell our navigation ... One mirror reflecting the other... This could be funny... all the ways we reappear... here...there...in every corner of the earth...only to return... to one mirror... reflecting the other... An eternal memory as the compass that brings this traveler closer...The beat in my chest becomes heavier as the journey to half of the source illuminates me.....

Speaking in Quotes

2009-09-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

Love, Films, Maps and Nightmares

2009-09-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

So I'm really trying not to write another screenplay inspired by every time I get my heart broken... not a way to get motivated.. Its like a constant replay of a nightmare ... And every time I come up with an idea and I think its something kind of unique in its own way, it suddenly then turns into something like deja-vous, where I soon realize wow another torture session, am I really writing about my heartache again.. seriously.. So, I have since decided to write about something I want. And yes it has a happy ending... It will be about the complete, and total opposite of heartache..and no, just because it doesn't rip your soul out doesn't mean it blows... It just means.... I'm forecasting the map of my own heart... to a theater near you...

Telepathe

2009-09-27T04:16:00.000-07:00

If they can travel from show to show, perform night after night, use their van as dressing rooms, and work their rumps off trying to get their music out there, then I can make a friggin' movie.... or at least... at least.....a web series... seriously...

2009-09-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

William Klein- Art Hero

2009-09-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

Follow the Rabbit

2009-09-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

Gypsy Punk!

2009-08-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

Lately if I'm not writing then I often find myself drinking wine and dancing around like a gypsy with friends..... or alone.... to the song Cherbourg by Beirut or My Night With a Prostitute From Marseille, also by Beirut!

My friend Jesse says that when I shoot my projects, I often incorporate 'The dance of the dead,' .....perhaps.... because often I am performing 'The dance of the living,' kicking my legs up and down, with my arms reaching for whatever is above...I can even get dramatic with my fist hitting hard against my heart...goes without exception to being a citizen of a Gypsy world....

Dilige et Quod Vis Fac, St Augustine

2009-07-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hell is to drift, heaven is to steer - George Bernard Shaw...

Art That Brings Awareness

2009-05-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

What happens when one portrait can impact an entire community? Come and see July 2 at Space 15Twenty with the display of M.I.A's portrait done by Plastic God. The portrait will be up for auction to help the Tamil people and others impacted by war and poverty.

Brought to you by The Form and Function Festival and Visions for the Future (NGO).

From Song to Screen

2009-05-13T02:35:00.000-07:00

Crazy For you By Adele
I Found myself today singing out loud your name.
You said I'm crazy,
if I am I'm crazy for you.

Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here turns me crazy,
but it's you who makes me lose my head

And everytime I'm meant to be acting sensible
you drift into my head and turn me into
a crumbling fool.

Tell me to run and I'll race,
if you want me to stop I'll freeze.
And if you want me gone I'll leave,
just hold me closer baby.

And make me
crazy for you.
Crazy for you.

Lately with this state Im in
I can't help myself but spin.
I wish you'd come over
send me spinning closer to you.

My oh my, how my blood boils,
its sweetest taste for you
It strips me down bare
and gets me into my favourite mood.

I keep on trying I'm fighting
these feelings away,
but the more I do
the crazier I turn into.

Pacing floors and opening doors
hoping you'll walk through
and save me boy.
Because I'm too

crazy for you.
Crazy for you.

Sometimes there are those songs, such as the one above, with lyrics that would just make the best dialogue, not only in film but perhaps even in real life...

And then, there are those other songs, like the one below, with lyrics that magically do an unexpected replay of a real life experience. An experience that was once only a memory, almost forgotten, until the radio reminded you, provoking a quiet excitement spoken only in a whisper 'Damn that would make a great film'...Suddenly the car then turns right around to the nearest coffee shop...where you breakout that mac-lap and type your heart out (tears and all) with only the boundaries of screenplay format policed by final-draft.....

5 Verses by Jeremy Warmsley
They met in a karaoke bar
Jack was singing "Lola" in a long black wig
The TV screen with the lines from the song
Caught the reflection of a girl

He caught her eye and he went wrong
She laughed while he apologized.
So they started talking to each other
Mary's friends listening from beyond
And shaking their heads

She had on half a smile as she looked away from him
He was falling victim to her every whim
The barman sighed, a tear in his eye.
So they kissed that night and she took him home

Though they were strangers he held her so tenderly
But she thought it might be fun to string him along
She knew it wasn't right; she didn't think it was wrong
She'd stop before he was in love with her

She didn't stop to think she might fall in love with him.
Well it went on for a week, a month, a year
Mary somehow forgot to break it off
Now she felt so trapped and she didn't know why

She was so sure that she loved him though it started as a lie
When she realized she broke down and told him
He already knew -- he'd read it in her diary the day before..

It turned out that he was the same as her
Living a lie on automatic pilot
Now they didn't know what to do
They didn't know who they were
Mary tried to smile, Jack slipped his hand into hers.....
The barman would have been surprised

The Dog Days Are Over

2009-05-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

This song is kinda what I felt like shouting out loud recently (last Friday) when the Gypsy and I handed in our last draft... Yes, a draft of a story that began as a symbol of many things- a sense of humour in heartache as well as the oncoming of possible love, the end of a friendship but also the beginning of a new one, growth, resolution, and many other things.

It took us some time, revising those last fifty pages.. Experiences had come and gone. I was no longer the same person with the same thoughts nor was the Gypsy. What or where was this story going? But then it came... that conclusion. It came in our own moments of transition, healing,and happiness... it came in a warehouse filled with loud music soundtracking the paintings of naked Russians crowding the walls, gloved hands gripped on the handlebars of a motorcycle speeding through the city, a voice singing intensely in the quiet of a writing session.

Experiences in life will not often resolve in the way we may want, but sometimes what happens in those very moments can be good enough for what they're worth...lessons, feelings, passion, great sex, excitement, feeling the heartbeat and break. It is all better than a boring day in the kingdom of nine to five, the routine of everyday life and mechanical people..

The Dog Days Are Over..

Her Name is Lynne Ramsay...

2009-05-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Ratcatcher is the film that redefined film. Sometimes you only need to do it once.

The Mime Love Story

2009-04-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

The Mime Love Story from Mandolin Films on Vimeo.

In between my writing sessions with the Gypsy, I somehow convinced the following creative-superheroes: Dara Oum, Thuc Nguyen, Stephen Hauptfuhr, Seth, and Jordan Daly to join my mime movement...

I have learned as a filmmaker, in order to keep motivated, it's important to stay in close proximity to creative-superheroes. They tend to save the day and keep the vision moving...

Sexy Filmmaking Meets 1981

2009-04-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

The Specials - Ghost town

She.. Run..Dance.. Girl

2009-03-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

She.. Run..Dance..Girl from Mandolin Films on Vimeo.

What do you do when there isn't government subsidized funding for independent film productions in your country?

1. You direct each other or yourself in short form projects,no more than five minutes max...
2. Replace dialogue with a timeless classic by a band like, lets say: Joy Division.
3. Find an unemployed friend during a recession, who just so happens to be a DP and Editor all in one....
4. Get a camera and Final-Cut Pro via a friend who makes a living off of ebay, but has time due to a recession and slow business.
5. And create a concept that allows for free locations!!!!

Images and Stories.Picture this...

2009-03-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

Thieves Like Us - Your Heart Feels
by Phunk_promotion

Efterklang - Prey and Predator from Leaf Label on Vimeo.

Rhythm and Film

2009-03-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

Getting that rhythm in your film is like finding that beat in a song, the one that makes you want to move...I often write to music as I am right now, listening to Drugs in My body by Thieves Like Us. Although, for some reason this song is particularly distracting to me, maybe because I'm swaying from side to side as I type. When I was revising LTLM with the Gypsy, I would often request that music be played. The Gypsy would of course complain, because as I mentioned before, she likes to break into song sometimes while we work, and that would be difficult to do if there were a song already being played. Got it down to a science!

But back to the rhythm, as I am able to focus a little more, due to a new song being played, Kilogramm by Bodi Bill. Rhythm in the script, among the actors and within the picture is a hard goal to achieve all at once but its possible...When I did a staged performance with my actors of LTLM and we were preparing, I would often reference certain films to demonstrate to them the importance of finding a rhythm within their ensemble. The two films I would often recommend were The Boss of it All, and Nothing But a Man....

Strangely enough, the Boss of it All is completely without a soundtrack, although the film itself, the cast and their performance is so incredibly lyrical. Its almost as if the actors in this film are not only on the same wavelength but have seemingly studied each other so intensely that they perform as if they're con artist sprinkling their trickery on prey, using an effective formula of imitating or reenacting particular human nature but only with the intent of controlling the oncoming reaction.

As I think a little further into this; the film, Boss of it All, is about passive aggression and manipulation, so the performance of the actors now makes more sense. Although, I believe the rhythm in the Boss of it All, perhaps had a lot to do with the rhythm in the script, as well as the rhythm of the director himself, Lars von Trier. Everyone in this film seems to be very in tune with the other, kind of like performance art, actually a rhythm between actors, or you may say artist, produces what most would confidently identify as performance art...

In Nothing But a Man, I noticed that the rhythm between the actors fell directly into the raw human chemistry... The first time I ever really understood the chemistry between individuals was when I saw the performance between Abbey Lincoln and Ivan Dixon, where they were sweating desperation, love, and disappoint all under the bright southern sun, without even saying a word, but standing there in front of the other, painfully pleading with their eyes....Somehow these brilliant filmmakers, Michael Roemer and Robert Young, were able to translate from the page to the screen, to my thoughts, and in my words as I tried to explain the importance of rhythm to my actors. Although in this particular film, I did notice the music playing along side with the picture.

The music of Nothing but a Man would not only help to create the rhythm projected between the actors, and the motion picture, but also mark a moment in history, and in time with chorus lines that would remain in our hearts and in our minds for generations to come. The legacy of Nothing but a Man further demonstrates the importance of how the rhythm in a film can reflect the rhythm in life....

Track listing of Nothing But a Man, original soundtrack released by Motown Records in 1964:

1. Heat Wave, (Love Is Like A) - Martha Reeves & The Vandellas, 2. Fingertips (Pt. II) - Little Stevie Wonder, 3. That's The Way I Feel - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, 4. Come On Home - Holland & Dozier, 5. This Is When I Need You Most - Martha Reeves & The Vandellas, 6. I'll Try Something New - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, 7. Way Over There - The Marvelettes, 8. Mickey's Monkey - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, 9. You Beat Me to the Punch - Mary Wells, 10. You've Really Got A Hold On Me - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles (live), 11. Bye Bye Baby - Mary Wells

From Thought to Page - The Journey

2009-03-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

While writing my film, I have often found myself wrestling with the difficulty of translating onto page, the internal journey…How does one honestly write a persons cry for freedom without the actual prison or cage? I know it can be done, but to get there, to get to those words is a journey in itself… A journey I thought was all too impossible… that was, until I stumbled upon two films:

Waiting for Happiness, and Das Fräulein….

Both films effectively cover the internal journey in a simple yet powerful way, from using the camera as a witness to the yearning in Mauritania to the painful sacrifices made in the soul of Zurich. While succeeding in demonstrating that a modest budget with a small ensemble cast can create two award-winning films, it also proves that anything is possible with a strong story, fearless talent, and a lot of heart.

Less Exposition More Reprise...

2009-03-09T00:37:00.000-07:00

I pledge (imagine my hand over my heart) to someday make a film that you would want to watch even if you didn’t understand one word being said... as if the characters were speaking something like, Norwegian, and all the words were seen and not heard.

Tranche De Vie

2009-03-06T21:30:00.000-08:00

I often go to a library or museum and watch people. I use to bring a tablot to sketch them~ But that really was an excuse. I don't know how to draw at all. I'm just fucking noisy. I watch men and women while they look at paintings and things, books, panoramas, etc. I enjoy the moments of others. How do they hold a newspaper or sip from the water fountain? Are they wearing socks? do their feet smell? Why is there dirt under this guys fingernails? He's wearing a fine suit! Often children smile while being spoken too. Often men awkwardly joke to break the ice, then touch the woman who they are attending the event with whilst they laugh. I have watched an elderly woman cry while standing in front of a Jackson Pollock. She wanted to touch the painting although security would not allow her.

I've listened to confessions and criminals. I have stolen moments from lovers and warriors and from these people I have tried to duplicate their words in my life.. Sometimes. I mean/ please don't get me wrong, I am not a criminal, Although I have heard a woman talk about how she wanted to murder her dog. In great detail she shared this with an estranged partner whom didn't seem to believe it at all. It was only for a moment that I imagined I would do the same. But, I don't have a dog.

I would give anything to brush by myself. To look into my life at some public event in just the same way that I have looked into these strangers' lives. At some social mumbo jumbo LA evening/ just so I can hear what comes out of my mouth. Just so I can rate how full of shit I really am. I want to catch myself being caddy or throwing a salty look. Is this difficult to understand?

So, because I am myself and not these strangers, what do I do? I can take a slice of these peoples life away from them as they are living it. I can rearrange it. This is how I write. Mixing and matching these moments on a secret canvass in my brain. I make them make sense. I make them make poetry. I can not see a person's future or past, so I simply go out and find it. I will paste a young child's "cut-out" sequence of life that I have stolen from the library and match it up with a moment from a married man that I find reading in a park with a baby. If I want to know what happened in between: I will go to a university and find him walking to class with too many books in his bag, or holding hands with a older woman in a tight skirt. This is my process. It may or may not contain any plot progress and sometimes very little character development, and it often has no exposition, conflict, or denouement. But, I often discover my characters to be astonishing and ravishing. With a wide beautiful open ended life, and with no lesson yet to teach to anyone. I then reach inside of myself and ask what it is time for me to learn. And they show me the way.

The Filibuster

2009-03-03T00:29:00.000-08:00

So I just finished a writing session with the Gypsy... And I think we spent more time enduring tortuous filibusters and debates on who knew the most about cross-dressing men in London, than actually revising the script. I mean we were so caught up with this burden of proof that it almost appeared like we were defending our creative integrity...

The winner of the debate would be able to add or delete certain defining details about the love interest of the film, meaning there would be a chance that one of the central characters (the love interest) could possibly be misunderstood throughout the entire film as a part time cross-dresser...

By the end of the debate the Gypsy deemed herself as the winner with one important cultural tidbit, that I was totally ignorant of, apparently all British men are secret cross-dressers and thats why they enjoy all those costume parties so much.. Who knew......

It's All In The Title

2009-03-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

My producer recently told me I needed to change the title of my film, something that could really catch the concept and most importantly the attention of possible investors, an audience, and the list goes on...and on...

Perhaps I'll change the title of my film to something like Black Honkey, I recently saw those words written across a canvas at an art show, just those words and nothing else. The piece was selling for something like $2500.

Yeah... Black Honkey, and the film would totally go against the title, where the Black Honkey would actually tie into the audience watching, or the investors, or my producer, make them really feel like they're a part of the film, or actually in it, even better....

Something to consider... You are a Black Honkey... we are all Black Honkies, for now...

My Inspiration

2009-02-28T11:23:00.000-08:00

Each time I have driven past that old Pussy Cat Theatre on Santa Monica Boulevard, and seen the image of that woman hanging above, instantly, I come up with a story..a scene in a short film... or a feature, kind of like Neil Jordan's Mona Lisa....you name it...

Although, I have since been informed by a friend, that its not the type of place I would want to go around professing as the reference of my imagination unless I want to make films like Bruce LaBruce...never thought about it in that way before, but apparently the film Otto: Or Up With Dead People, and The Raspberry Reich are among cult classics by LaBruce or at least thought provoking..I mean you have to admit, there is something thought provoking in a gay, Zombie, love story such is the case with Otto: Or Up With Dead People..

Michelle: The Big Green Man

2009-02-27T18:12:00.000-08:00

There are times when I have these really rough days, trying to motivate myself with the thoughts of 'what the hell am I doing with my life, writing and creating these stories, scripts, trying to shoot these people who pretend to be characters on camera. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE???'

Days like this come.... and go...

And then came that one day, where again, I found myself yelling out my frustrations, sitting alone in my car, waiting at a red light, that I saw this guy trudging along in front of me... It was almost like in slow motion...... and I looked at him through my window, crossing the street, watching him bear the entire weight of his emerald green Incredible Hulk costume, while carrying the heavy Incredible Hulk's head, just making his way in the dry LA heat towards the boulevard of stars....

And as I continued to look at him, somehow and for some reason my anxieties, those questions of 'what the hell am I doing with my life' just seem to fizzle quietly away ...just like that... I wonder if Matthew Ogens had that same experience, watching that very same man, before directing his doc, Confessions of a Superhero.... Who knows...

Michelle: Baise Moi

2009-02-27T02:20:00.000-08:00

So this weekend I'm looking forward to working with the Gypsy, my writing partner. Our job is to make some minor revisions... I'd like to compare us to the ladies of Baise Moi where their nemesis consist only of creepy men, and in our case, cringe worthy dialogue that crucify our script...

But before we actually get to the 'screenplay' I'll go down a certain journey. The Gypsy's journey of living in London, her romantic escapades, and professing organic food while getting caught red handed with a Big Mac... Yes, and somehow the Gypsy will manage to convey all of these things and then suddenly break into a song... no really... But I love it because by the time we get to the script, and pound eachothers' ego with how we blow creatively, funny things get said, and eventually recorded...

This is Hardcore Man..

2009-02-26T16:58:00.001-08:00

So, being a filmmaker in LA is, well, it is what it is.... And what is it currently (?), at least for me, it is the making of London Times and LA Moments the film...Oh and that's just the working title...so far.

This is where I introduce the key players in the making of this film starting with Amit, the producer...Myself Michelle, the Filmmaker... and the Actors -Arlene, Jiang, Bryan, and Mr.X (because he's kinda famous)...So with that said...where are we at now (?)..

Well aside from deportation, a severe injury (a bullet wound), starring in a television show and indie film, living to see the day Bush out and Obama in, and riding this wave of a challenged economy, I think my team has really pulled through.... and if worse comes to worse we can always move to East Berlin, which is where all the other creatives seem to be migrating to....

But in the meantime, we're here in LA, trying to make this film happen....